Marriage

March 14, 2008 § 4 Comments

HomerWhat’s a wedding? Webster’s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one’s garden. ( note :In that case, Bhajji will make a great wedding ūüėõ )

I was browsing through some of the blogs that I generally read and came across one post in which the author seemed worried and not so sure about marriage and whatever that accompanies it. It got me thinking. Its a fear we all have, isn’t it? Its natural that everybody has these predefined notions about love, commitment, marriage. Most of the times, and I mean this generally for most of us, that we tend to follow the oft taken route to life, do whatever people before us have done, follow in their footsteps, so to say.¬†So when someone tells us that to be married and live a happy life, you *have* ¬†to be in love with that person (isn’t that all we listen to nowadays? love this and love that; movies, TV, 13 year old kids bandy that word like its a definition in the science syllabus!). Really? Do you really have to be in love to be married?

No. You don’t. Nobody does. But everybody¬†believes that they have to be. Especially nowadays.¬†Look¬†around you. Look at the couples who have spent more than 10, 20¬†years together. Did all of them marry each other after knowing each other, falling in love and then committing? Surely not. Are they not¬†happy? Yes, most of them.

Marriage is not about love. Love is being selfish, possessive, love is wanting someone to conform to how you want him/her to be, its more about yourself than about the other person. Marriage on the other hand, is about adjusting to/with the other person, its about accomodating the other person in your life, its about learning to live with their traits, good or bad. Marriage is about the other person, or atleast caring enough for that person. Marriage is being practical, love is not. Marriage is about friendship.

Its about being the best friend for your better half. Its more about listening than talking. Its more like doing something that the other person likes without caring for what you get in return. Marriage is about being a team. Is love required? Maybe. Maybe not.

Its like a journey, where you don’t know the destination, where getting to the destination isn’t important, but the journey itself is. Its about learning to live with the fact that someone needs your support and wants to be by your side for the rest of your life. Its about these and a lot of other things, things even I don’t know about.

So, does it matter that you love the person who you get married to?¬†Won’t it do to¬†just like that person? Its an individual thing, really. Some people see marriage as the culmination of falling in love. I say, what after that? You’re in love, you think you know each other inside out, you’re married, then? Now, look at it the other way.¬†Its so many possibilities, really.

Its not all rosy though. Bad marriages do exist. More than we like to mention. But thats life na, good with the bad.

All this is coming from the author of this post, thats me, a person who threatened his parents with running away to Meghalaya (and alone at that ūüėõ ), if they did not stop talking about the possibilities of¬†his marriage.¬†These are just thoughts; may be I should rename the blog to demented memoirs of a rambling mind or something.

‘Groom’ed

December 24, 2007 § 1 Comment

Its been a nice life. All 22 years of it. I remember quite a bit of it actually. Right from the time I was 2, infact. My parents have always been proud of me, of what I do and what I don’t. They have always regarded me as the boy who will grow up and be the perfect son to them(guess that speaks very ill of my little brother, but so it is… ūüėõ ). I have done all that I could to keep them happy and extend all kinds of support to their beliefs about me. And I have done well. I have done extremely well. So why are they doing this to me?

Let me explain. Just as I left the house to pursue a job at Aztecsoft, it started. First as a murmur, but then as I returned home every weekend, it was slowly drilled into my head. It was like a message from Satan himself. First from mom, but that didn’t bother me, mom has always been the sort to dream too early. I would brush off the hints with ease. But then, one day as I was eating dinner, my Dad said it out aloud. And my dad usually means business. He said the one word I dread most – “Marriage” – make that all capital. And then mom took over lecturing about how important it is for a person to have a family and all. I lost my appetite after that. It was a well planned assault. But I wasn’t going to be defeated easily. After the initial shock wore off, I started my own counteroffensive; I threatened to run away and that too alone, to some far off place like Meghalaya, if they did not stop their vile campaign against me. This unfortunately had no effect on them. And they seemed adamant on their point. Sigh.

As a free spirit, I have my reservations on marriage – the bond that makes all freedom of spirit vanish. Lots of them. Like:

a)I am not ready. b) I am a kid, really. My age may say 22 but my mind reads 12. c) What wrong have I done? d) No, absolutely not. e) (stomps feet)No, I will not!!(stomps feet again)

Such a travesty that. They have even gone to the extent of looking around. You know what I mean. Sigh again.

But why at such a young age? You might well ponder. I is not gujju, nor is I of any tribe that marries early. That is because, according to them, I will¬† accede to their blackmailing in about 4-5 years. Such high hopes they have!! ūüôā . hehe. Sigh.

And there will be dowry. All of Rs. 1.25, preferably in 25 paise coins. Yes, that’s what they’ve decided my worth as. Tremendous shame comes tremendously.

p.s : looks like their plans will have to be on hold now, I’ve moved to Hyderabad; and there’s no hope in hell of me returning home enough to have their plans put in action. Chalo, something good has come of this exile then…

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