Marriage…

November 25, 2011 § 5 Comments

…is nothing but choosing a (really)long-term roommate. Some get lucky. Some don’t.

[Just a thought I’d had a long time ago. Posting it now. Now that I see a glut of marriagy stuff happening on my Facebook timeline]

Of marriages and cement

March 11, 2010 § 4 Comments

So, Rahul Mahajan got married. Not only that. He got to choose. From 10 women. 10 different women!! 10 totally-in-awe and deferential-to-Rahul Mahajan women. Oh well, the women who took part showed, contrary to popular belief, that women don’t exactly care who they marry, anyone will do, as long as he is famous and/or rich. Doubly so, if there is a reality show woven around the entire charade.

rahulmahajan
Image courtesy: TOI
Rahul Mahajan being carried away…somewhere. The policemen in this picture were not among the 10 contestants of Rahul Dulhaniya le jayenge. They want to be on Rakhi ka Swayamwar – 2 instead.

 

Last year showed us that guys are no better either, what with all those thicknecks courting Rakhi Sawant. Which sane guy would want to be nagged by a woman with that kind of mouth? Well, all said and done, they reaffirmed the stereotype that guys will marry any girl, so long as she has big…brand name 😛

In between these two abominations was a third, called The Perfect Bride, in which Mother-in-Laws from the most terrifying matrimonial nightmares walked across our television sets once a week.

There is one good thing that comes from having these reality TV marriages though, they are better than arranged marriages. Each contestant or ‘wannabe’ is judged on a multitude of tasks, which are as diverse in range as dancing, cooking, acting, juggling, writing lowu poems etc etc. There is complete and utter scrutiny of every facet of the contestants life. Except for checks on signs of intelligence, that is. So, there is much more ‘knowing each other’ here than in an arranged marriage, where the only kind of getting to know each other can be summarized as follows:

Boy: Kya tumhe phool pasand hai?

Girl(smiling coyly): ji, haan…

Parents (who are eavesdropping) : Oye hoy!!! Toh shaadi pakki! Koi mooh meetha toh karwao!

Boy: wtf?

Girl(smiling coyly): what the…I get new clothes!!! yay!      

…which is why you see a lot of clueless married men around.

The first season had Rakhi Sawant, the second had Rahul Mahajan. My guess for the third season is Bobby Darling. I thing the progression goes as Female, Male, whatever 😛

The observant among you might have noticed that there is a mention of cement in the title of the post. Am i about to make a witty remark on the bond of marriage being like cement? No, I am not. I will talk of JK Cement and that ad of theirs. Which ad? The ad that goes:

Sexy chick in swimsuit with smoldering come hither look coming out of sea towards the camera. Just as she is about to come on the beach, some guy says something to the tune of “There is something different” and bang, the JK cement logo comes in frame.

What? Why? girl in swimsuit and cement? Whaaa? the mind boggles.

Marriage – Love and Arranged

December 24, 2008 § 13 Comments

[This is something I wrote for my cousin sis in Mangalore to submit for her school magazine]

Somebody introduced me to a new concept the other day, of knowing beforehand(literally) whether my marriage would be an arranged one or a love marriage. Some of the people who tried it for the first time seemed to be a little disappointed at the results, either arranged or love. It is a silly game, one that was perhaps invented by bored teenagers to while away some time, but it did get one thinking. About marriage, and the way our society interprets it.

Marriage, people say is the cornerstone of a successful society. Long lasting ones more so. It is a common perception here in India that arranged marriages are more long lasting and hence have a better bet at being more successful. This however does not hold true for societies around the world. For instance, in the western world, marriages themselves are optional, and in most cases are love marriages. It is not frowned upon there as it is here in India.

Marriages in India are not about two people, they are about two families. Because the way of life here is so family oriented, families become involved in any couple’s life sooner or later. More often than not, arranged marriages are fixed only after knowing that the families themselves are compatible with each other, as also the couple. Families are instrumental in holding together a couple, during the good times and also when things get difficult in a marriage. It is this system that is the primary reason for the success of arranged marriages.

Love marriages, on the other hand, hardly have family or societal sanction. The couple has to, mostly, be on its own with hardly any support structure. Most of such marriages are done with haste, with the headiness or belligerence of youth. If any differences between the couple do crop up (as in most marriages), it becomes difficult to resolve these in the absence of sane voices in the support structure of the family. This perhaps is the biggest reason for all the failures in love marriage.

This is not to say that arranged marriages are better or love marriages are bad. There are many instances of bad matchmaking in arranged marriages and there are many successful love marriages too. As in life, what may be good for one person may not be as good for the next. Maybe, as we move to a more nuclear family oriented society, love marriages will become the norm, maybe we’ll see more family and societal sanction for love marriages. Or maybe we’ll see the good old tradition of arranged marriages hold fort and continue to be the dominating force in building and sustaining our strong family oriented society.

[Update: I read a very good piece of analysis on the same topic the other day. Its titled Stockholm Syndrome a.k.a Arranged marriage ]

[Update2: Looks like marriage season’s on in full swing, this is a file I got via email…Read it(arrangedmarriage), I will ask girls to ignore this though. And one more thing, all views are of the author.]

Marriage

March 14, 2008 § 4 Comments

HomerWhat’s a wedding? Webster’s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one’s garden. ( note :In that case, Bhajji will make a great wedding 😛 )

I was browsing through some of the blogs that I generally read and came across one post in which the author seemed worried and not so sure about marriage and whatever that accompanies it. It got me thinking. Its a fear we all have, isn’t it? Its natural that everybody has these predefined notions about love, commitment, marriage. Most of the times, and I mean this generally for most of us, that we tend to follow the oft taken route to life, do whatever people before us have done, follow in their footsteps, so to say. So when someone tells us that to be married and live a happy life, you *have*  to be in love with that person (isn’t that all we listen to nowadays? love this and love that; movies, TV, 13 year old kids bandy that word like its a definition in the science syllabus!). Really? Do you really have to be in love to be married?

No. You don’t. Nobody does. But everybody believes that they have to be. Especially nowadays. Look around you. Look at the couples who have spent more than 10, 20 years together. Did all of them marry each other after knowing each other, falling in love and then committing? Surely not. Are they not happy? Yes, most of them.

Marriage is not about love. Love is being selfish, possessive, love is wanting someone to conform to how you want him/her to be, its more about yourself than about the other person. Marriage on the other hand, is about adjusting to/with the other person, its about accomodating the other person in your life, its about learning to live with their traits, good or bad. Marriage is about the other person, or atleast caring enough for that person. Marriage is being practical, love is not. Marriage is about friendship.

Its about being the best friend for your better half. Its more about listening than talking. Its more like doing something that the other person likes without caring for what you get in return. Marriage is about being a team. Is love required? Maybe. Maybe not.

Its like a journey, where you don’t know the destination, where getting to the destination isn’t important, but the journey itself is. Its about learning to live with the fact that someone needs your support and wants to be by your side for the rest of your life. Its about these and a lot of other things, things even I don’t know about.

So, does it matter that you love the person who you get married to? Won’t it do to just like that person? Its an individual thing, really. Some people see marriage as the culmination of falling in love. I say, what after that? You’re in love, you think you know each other inside out, you’re married, then? Now, look at it the other way. Its so many possibilities, really.

Its not all rosy though. Bad marriages do exist. More than we like to mention. But thats life na, good with the bad.

All this is coming from the author of this post, thats me, a person who threatened his parents with running away to Meghalaya (and alone at that 😛 ), if they did not stop talking about the possibilities of his marriage. These are just thoughts; may be I should rename the blog to demented memoirs of a rambling mind or something.

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