On hookahs and abusers

April 27, 2014 § 2 Comments

Heard a song on TV the other day. It was in Punjabi – rather than in Hindi – as most ‘hep’ songs are nowadays and sounded like a whole lot of gibberish. This even though I can make out some of the Punjabi words. I try to make a translation into Hindi and get a sense of what the song is about. Imagine my shock then when I heard this song and got to know that it is about luring innocent girls into a gali and boinking them on the head with a hookah. Repeatedly.

Don’t believe me? Here goes a stanza and translation from the song…

Saadi gaali aaja saanu chaahan waaliye
Tennu hokkah maarda phiraan

Come to my street, o my lover,
I keep calling out for you..

Ik waari aaja door jaan waaliye
Tenu hokaah marda phiraan

Come once, O the-one-who-left-me,
I’ll roam around hitting you with a hookah!

Preposterous I say! šŸ˜›

 

PS: Yes, yes. This is not the correct translation. I know.

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Where Seinfeld explains Birthdays

April 23, 2014 § Leave a comment

Birthdays are a celebration of the fact that you managed not to die between the last one and this one.

A Ghost Story…

October 21, 2013 § 10 Comments

well, almost.

I live in somewhat of a close proximity to Aarey Milk Colony. For the uninitiated, Aarey Milk Colony is a vast (by Mumbai Standards) expanse of greenery, sparse forest, foliage and tabelas(cattle stables). It usually appears in the news for a leopard attack here and there or for random crimes like chain snatching, dacoit gangs that operate in the dead of the night etc. That is nothing out of the ordinary, you will tell me. To which I’ll reply, 10 sq. Km of greenery in the middle of Mumbai is not out of the ordinary for you? Oh, maybe I forgot to add that it was also famous for stories of ghosts and assorted oddities and things that go bump in the night. Did that pique your interest? Of course it does, it says Ghost in the title itself, doesn’t it? šŸ˜›

Aarey was famous for being the lair of many a malicious spirit, some of which were reported to disembowel you for the mistake of crossing their path or for having the guts to go into some buildings built on that land. This was about 20 years ago. People would stay away from Aarey after the dark and before light. But then it had clean air and greenery and what not, making it ideal for a walk, stroll or a jog. A lot of people from the area would go for such activities in Aarey. One of those people was me.

Aarey colony has a road that runs through it, with a fair amount of traffic and it has many smaller roads that lead off to places deep within. One of the places in there is called ‘The New Zealand’ hostel, which is a boarding school (I think, not sure, never quite got to know, for reasons that will become apparent in a little while). I was curious about this place with the exotic sounding name and the mysterious air about it (none of my friends had seen it). So one fine day, which was also a summer vacation day, I set off to find this place and see what it looked like. This was before the Internets or Google maps or mobiles, so I relied on helpful signs that told me that take this road to New Zealand hostel and it is x km’s away. I trudged on, mindful of the time, for I did not want to be in Aarey after it got dark.

The thing with Aarey’s internal roads is that once you are a good distance in, it gets quieter than an exam hall. And colder. This has to do with the good amount of tree cover, of course. I know this now, but 12 year old me was inclined to believe that it was so because the ghosts of Aarey preferred it so. So there I was (somewhat) merrily walking along one of the internal roads, that I spot a car parked on the road. A Tata Sumo, to be exact. I spotted it at a distance, parked on the road. At that point in time, cars were not as common as they are now and the Tata Sumo was a new entrant, so I was quite interested to see how it looked from near and all, so I walked towards it (as it is I had to walk past it on my way). As I got closer, something weird happened. Ā I noticed there was nobody in the car itself and by that I mean, none of the usual silhouette that one can make of a person in the car. Then something weirder happened. Ā The car started swaying. Slowly at first and as a horrified me stood still and watched, a little more, then quite a lot.

I was 12. I had heard a lot of things about Aarey Colony and its malicious spirits. And here I was, alone and believing that I was witnessing the manifestation of said spirits. I did the one thing a scared, out of his wits, 12 year old South Indian boy would do when faced with such a situation. I ran away. With furtive glances towards the car to see if the malignant spirit that was rocking the car had noticed and by any chance was following me šŸ˜› I only started walking normally(i.e not running) after I got to the main road. After that it was a couple of days of worrying recollections and thanking all assorted Gods. Then I forgot about the incident. Until it made a reappearance in my life.

About 3 years later, as I sat watching Star Movies, indulging in what was one the favorite pass-times of my generation (watching angrezi movies, to appear cool), I had a vivid recollection of the events and a final realization of what spirits were rocking that car that day. The movie I was watching was The Titanic. In the movie, as a hand created a hand-print on the steamed up window of the car, the last vestiges of the mystery behind the swaying and rocking of the car disappeared.

On Mumbai

August 2, 2013 § 5 Comments

Found it on quora, thought I’d document here. For the next time someone asks me to quote a nice thing about Mumbai (heaven help that person though, I could go on for an hour on that topic šŸ˜› )

This can happen only in Mumbai… no where else.. Read on..

Only localĀ trainĀ passengers in Mumbai will know how helpful other commuters in trains try to be.Ā Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over-enthusiastic Mumbai’s Local train commuter.

OurĀ hero, a man from Pune, wanted toĀ go to Matunga, but as luck and trains would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination.
He panickedĀ on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving. On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his rescue.

It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train for past 6 years and had noticedĀ that the train always slowed just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail’s pace while passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man’s inexperience, he added some words of caution : “Keep running the moment you jump or you will fall. Just keep running.” He stressedĀ the word “running” lest the man not know the laws of motion.

The train slowed down just before Matunga Station and at the prompting of his mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if all hell had broken loose.

What he didn’t realize, of course, was that he was running parallel to the train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process, he reached the door of the next compartment and the foot board commuters there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train. To this agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he told themĀ that they had actually undone what he had done with great difficulty.

Those standing at the door of his “ex-compartment” had witnessed the whole drama and just couldn’t stop laughing at theĀ poor man’s situation, while he grinned sheepishly…!!!!

At the chemist

April 16, 2013 § 4 Comments

I had to buy some medicines, so naturally I went to the friendly neighbourhood chemist. The medication I was getting was self prescribed for a cousin. Basically as placebo. So there was some deliberation with the chemist if it was alright to take said medication or not.

At the same time, a girl walks up to the chemist and whispers something. Now being the gentleman that I am, I maintain nonchalance and act as if nothing has been noticed so as not toĀ embarrassĀ this girl. Then the chemist points to me and says loudly to the girl, ‘He needs it!’

The first thing that comes to my mind is a word that questions the lineage of the chemist. But being a decent boy, I only said ‘I don’t need it! She asked for it, give it to her.’ The girl has one arched eyebrow and is staring at me half amused.

The chemist says ‘I was talking to her about the medicine you asked for’, the girl goes from half amused to full amused. She is practically giggling. ‘She is a doctor’, he continues. I go from full bravado and an inch away from giving the chemist a bio lesson to full shameface. The doc tells me ki dawai should be okay and I conduct the transaction in silent shamefulness.

Sigh.

Var

April 14, 2013 § 6 Comments

One day one proficient software engineer girl was talking to a friend of hers.

The friend of the girl says ki ‘bhagwaan kare ki tujhe Sundar Susheel var mil jaaye’

The girl gets apprehensive on hearing this. So the friend asks ki kya hua, kyun darr gayi yaar.

She says, you said sundar susheel var, how can I marry somebody whose type I can only know at run time?

:p

Broken

October 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

Came across this gem of a sentence today and thought I’d post it here.

Masjid dha de, mandir dha de, dha de jo kucch dainda. Par kisi da dil na dhain, Rab dilan vich rehnda ~ Bulleh Shah

Which translates to

You may raze a Mandir, raze a mosque, raze whatever you set your sight on…

But don’t you break somebody’s heart, for that is where God resides.

Such deep meaning in such a simple sentence.