March 14, 2008 § 4 Comments
What’s a wedding? Webster’s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one’s garden. ( note :In that case, Bhajji will make a great wedding 😛 )
I was browsing through some of the blogs that I generally read and came across one post in which the author seemed worried and not so sure about marriage and whatever that accompanies it. It got me thinking. Its a fear we all have, isn’t it? Its natural that everybody has these predefined notions about love, commitment, marriage. Most of the times, and I mean this generally for most of us, that we tend to follow the oft taken route to life, do whatever people before us have done, follow in their footsteps, so to say. So when someone tells us that to be married and live a happy life, you *have* to be in love with that person (isn’t that all we listen to nowadays? love this and love that; movies, TV, 13 year old kids bandy that word like its a definition in the science syllabus!). Really? Do you really have to be in love to be married?
No. You don’t. Nobody does. But everybody believes that they have to be. Especially nowadays. Look around you. Look at the couples who have spent more than 10, 20 years together. Did all of them marry each other after knowing each other, falling in love and then committing? Surely not. Are they not happy? Yes, most of them.
Marriage is not about love. Love is being selfish, possessive, love is wanting someone to conform to how you want him/her to be, its more about yourself than about the other person. Marriage on the other hand, is about adjusting to/with the other person, its about accomodating the other person in your life, its about learning to live with their traits, good or bad. Marriage is about the other person, or atleast caring enough for that person. Marriage is being practical, love is not. Marriage is about friendship.
Its about being the best friend for your better half. Its more about listening than talking. Its more like doing something that the other person likes without caring for what you get in return. Marriage is about being a team. Is love required? Maybe. Maybe not.
Its like a journey, where you don’t know the destination, where getting to the destination isn’t important, but the journey itself is. Its about learning to live with the fact that someone needs your support and wants to be by your side for the rest of your life. Its about these and a lot of other things, things even I don’t know about.
So, does it matter that you love the person who you get married to? Won’t it do to just like that person? Its an individual thing, really. Some people see marriage as the culmination of falling in love. I say, what after that? You’re in love, you think you know each other inside out, you’re married, then? Now, look at it the other way. Its so many possibilities, really.
Its not all rosy though. Bad marriages do exist. More than we like to mention. But thats life na, good with the bad.
All this is coming from the author of this post, thats me, a person who threatened his parents with running away to Meghalaya (and alone at that 😛 ), if they did not stop talking about the possibilities of his marriage. These are just thoughts; may be I should rename the blog to demented memoirs of a rambling mind or something.