A very educational video

Good video. Nice message. Don’t know if the Mediator would approve though

“The Course of True Love…

…never runs smooth, said Shakespeare”

“That’s Bullshit”

“No its not. Really. I’ll give you an example.”

“What example? Of one of your many ‘patients’?”

“No. The example is of the protagonist of one of the greatest stories ever to be rendered. Interested in hearing it?”

“As if you’ll let me be without giving it a go. So go on.”

“Heard of the Ramayana?”

“Who hasn’t? You’re going to tell me about Ram and his true love for Sita; which makes his fight a war to rescue her from the evil clutches of Raavan? Dude, everybody knows that story!! Don’t waste your breath.”

“No. This is  about Raavan’s true love. For Sita.”

“!”

“Yes. Don’t look at me like that. Its just a story baba. Anyways, you see Raavan was madly in love with Sita. It was the love at first sight kinda thing that all the movies talk about nowadays. Except that there were no movies those days. So this must have been the real deal. But you see Sita was married and the perfect Bharatiya nari types. So he had no real chance of having his love reciprocated. Not with Ram around anyways.”

“Oh man! Don’t recite this to the old people, they’ll kill you!”

“Tu sunn na! Okay, so Raavan devises a plan. Being this all powerful rakshas and all, he kidnaps Sita and bundles her back to his palace in Lanka. See, his plan is that if only Sita were to see his own devotion and love towards her, she might fall in love with him too. And he didn’t care about the consequences. But then, there is one hitch. Ram being this all powerful God and all, he is not entirely pleased with the prospect of his wife being abducted by some rakshas. All this is a blot on his honour! So he declares war on Raavan to avenge his honour.”

“And to get Sita back”

“Same difference. Now, Raavan knows that Ram will most probably kill him, if he does not return Sita. But then, he is too far gone in this love business to pay any heed to this advice from his brain. He does the usual war business, sending people to kill Ram and his entourage, knowing fully well that it must and will only end with himself and Ram on the battlefield. But even with all this, he only pines for Sita’s love. He does not even touch her, preferring to just sit in her presence, in the garden she has come to call her own, surrounded by all the guarding rakshashis. He spends his evenings thus, wondering if he’ll ever have her love. Sita doesn’t speak to him. Not much anyways. But strange are the ways of the heart. He starts loving her even more. Even if he has come to accept it that she’ll never be his.”

“You make him sound so awfully heartbroken puppy types. He’s a Rakshas for God’s sake!”

“Meh. Love knows no species. And so Raavan continues to hold out, hoping for that ever so small glimpse of love from Sita. Even when Lanka is half burnt by a marauding simian’s(who they call Hanuman) burning tail (He shouldn’t have told them to burn it, he thinks, in retrospect). Even when Ram’s army invades Lanka. And his asurs are killed in the hundreds. When his own kith and kin are killed and in some cases, slaughtered. People tell him to just give her up, return her and try to make peace with Ram. But he does not.”

“But Sita loves Ram. He is her husband. Why doesn’t Raavan understand that?!”

“Two words. Unrequited Love. And so Raavan decides to battle Ram. He knows this had to happen. And he knows that whether he wins or loses, whether he does or does not return from battle, he will never have Sita’s love. With this known, he sets out for battle, sitting in the garden in her presence for one last time, thinking that he’ll never quite know what it feels like to be loved. And as it turns out, he did lose in battle, he was felled by Ram.”

“So Raavan was like SRK from Darr??”

The Mediator smiled at her. In the background, the Hussainsagar looked particularly pleasant. “Maybe he was”, he nodded. “Tell me, does my story make a good example?”

“Yes. But you are still full of bullshit anyways.”

The Valentines Day Post

The Mediator sat on one of the benches at one the promenades that dotted Hussainsagar. It was Valentine’s Day. Couples strolled on the walkways, holding hands, whispering sweet nothings to their partners(what are these sweet nothings?, he thought, what is it that makes these girls blush and the guys, well…er…happy? ; he decided he was better off without knowing). Policemen strolled in twos along the promenade, they had been put on duty here to make sure that the couples are not bothered by the moral police(specifically the Shri Raju Sene, a group of single, spurned Satyam Engineers who wanted to do nothing better than to bash up software guys who weren’t single). He often wondered what made young men in groups beat up defenseless couples. Was it ideology? Religion? A zeal to hold up their idea of moral values? To feel good about themselves? Or was it just to have a good time? He decided that the answers didn’t lie there. The answer was plain and simple: they were just jealous of things they couldn’t have, of what they couldn’t be and they had lashed out at the slightest bit provocation that was offered. It is one of the basest human instincts, jealousy and it makes people do the stupidest of things, he reasoned.   

It was a bad day to be single, this. Worse than normal days, that is. Much worse. He sat with music playing on his iPod,

Our Candle burns away, the ashes full of lies,
I gave my soul to you, you cut me from behind,
Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide,
You’re scared of the truth and I’m tired of the lies…

He had noticed that the colour red and its variations had suddenly become omnipresent in the run up to Valentine’s Day. Discs and Pubs, Hotels and Restaurants, Shops and Malls, all turned to these colours to attract love st(r)uck couples. He had nothing against the colour, except that he hated it. And it also brought about rare vestiges of rage back in him, something to do with the colour or the day. He didn’t remember. Maybe he didn’t want to. The iPod went on,

Why’d you have to up and run away?
A million miles away
I want to close my eyes and make believe
That I never found you…

Life is particularly difficult for people in long distance relationships on this day. They want to personally go and whisper sweet nothings(what the hell are sweet nothings?) to their beloved on this most special of all days; instead of relying on a cell phone network to get their point across. But they did manage, and very enthusiastically at that.

One such sample was now striding across the promenade to come and sit next to him. “Valentines Day! Such a wonderful day, when everyone can express their love to each other. Like me to my girlfriend and she to me, even though we live so far apart.  Life is beautiful today, isn’t it?"  The Mediator felt a weird sensation of déjà vu at this stranger coming upto him and talking as if they were long lost friends. He looked behind him, wondering whether the stranger was talking to someone else. Nope. "Beautiful weather, isn’t it?", the stranger said. The Mediator just nodded and continued staring out. "Wonderful weather to be out with someone special", said the guy. The Mediator shifted a little, away from the guy, unsure of what he was getting at.

"Valentine’s day is wonderful!", the stranger continued, "its like the entire universe changes, life itself changes, the colours in the sky. But best of all, there is something in the air, something indefinable. Something that strikes all of us, something nobody can escape. There’s that kind of tingly feeling, like electricity that courses through the air this day. There’s something in the air. Something intangible. But its there, right?. Don’t you feel it, dude? What do you say, isn’t there something in the air?" He looked at the mediator.

The feeling of déjà vu was now complete. This guy was asking for it. The Mediator sighed. He inhaled and sneezed the type of sneeze that has the potential to spread a cold virus to all people within a 5 foot diameter. This guy was only 3 feet away. He had no chance. “Sorry about that. Yes, there is something in the air. Its known as the flu virus. I guess you know what that is.” The guy looked stunned and a little afraid. The Mediator got up and walked away. A thin smile forming on his lips. Idiot. There’s one born every Valentine’s Day. The iPod blared away,

So lie to me once again
And tell me everything will be alright…
Lie to me once again
And ask yourself before we say good bye.
Well good bye…
Was it worth it in the end?

[The song is Lie to me by 12 stones]

Phoney Relations

[This is a post of the Mediator series: a series of posts in which the Mediator tries to decipher what it is of that relationships are made up of in modern times]

As a start to this series, I will write about something that plays a very important role in a relationship. Now, from that first line will bring to the minds of the readers images of various things : love, attraction, etc. But it is none of these. It is something far more basic, something which is out in the open, visible to all. It is the mobile.

Telecommunication plays a very important role in relationships today. It has been observed, that even though orkut\chat(yahoo more than gtalk) is very instrumental and an enabling force in the beginning of a relationship, phones play an important role in sustaining a relationship. And anybody who is been in a relationship, knows that sustaining a relationship is where all the efforts are required. So phones become ultra important.

If there are still some skeptics out there, ask any girl out there what is important in a relationship and one of the three points she will list will be ‘communication’. And since the only opinion that matters in a relationship is of the girls, we conclude that communication is indeed very important in a relationship. Since phones enable communication, phones are important for a relationship.

Now, people will expect that any two humans with mobile phones can meet and fall in love/have a relationship. Ideally, yes. But we do not live in an ideal world. There are dynamics involved here. The model/make of the phones matter. The general rule is that both parties in a relationship must possess mobiles that have similar capabilities and are matched equally in the mobile status index(ask any mobile junkie to compare the two phones, the one he/she talks of fondly has a higher MSI). For example, if the boy has a Nokia 1120 and the girl has a Nokia N82, one can be rest assured that there will be a breakup in the next 2 months, maybe even 1. Unless the boy changes his handset or the girl makes the supreme sacrifice(ditch the N82 and get one of the Nokia low end series, but that rarely happens). However, if the boy has a higher model and the girl has a lower model, the relationship will seldom falter. We do not know the reason for the anomaly in the theory and we are not making any effort to find out.

Upgrades too have an effect on a relationship. Let us consider an example. Boy and girl are in relationship. Boy and girl both have Nokia 6030. Girl changes mobile to Nokia 6233 but boy holds on resolutely to his 6030, even though he can afford better. Now, 6233 is at higher MSI than 6030, the relationship meets a premature end in about a month and a half since the girl gets the phone. Don’t be stunned. This does happen. We have a glut of examples for this.

So what do we learn out of this? We learn that if you want to get into a relationship with someone, the status of mobile phones must match. So the next time you want to hit on that cute girl, you will do well to know what make of mobile phone she is carrying. It will save a lot of heartache.

Ek kahani kuch saal purani

As I mentioned in a recent post, I have been going through my college pictures. There are many good ones, and then there are the special ones. Ones which are associated with memories, with people. One such picture was from the GOA trip. As I was looking at the picture and thinking of that trip, I remembered a lot of things that went on in the trip (even though I’ve never quite known what I did for the hour that I was drunk )

The trip was, for the lack of a better word, momentous. Momentous for many reasons. Class unity for one and more importantly for all the failed romances. Industrial trips in any college are fraught with relationships starting or ending or both. It is actually one of the attractions of the trip.

The incident that I am about to recall here in this post happened on the Goa trip. It is not the funniest incident of the trip ( some of the funnier ones can never make it to print\type ), but it is by far the most unique. It still brings out smiles laughter whenever the college group talks about it.

It happened so that, as it happens often, one of the guys in our class (lets call him X) was totally fida over one of the prettier girls(lets call her Y) in our class. Now X had already proposed to Y in the course of the preceding year, and since it is mandatory for guys to propose over the course of an industrial trip, he was going to do it again during the trip. There was no doubt about it. There was also no doubt about the fact that Y would refuse again (she was one of those girls who believed in holding onto their value system and belief – in this case the belief was of having no boyfriends, I think. Bless her). The guy, bless him too, was of the ‘try and fail but do not fail to try‘ ideology. The mediator himself had entered the fray, trying to dissuade him from doing so, knowing the answer Y would give him and having theoretical knowledge of rejections and the hurt they can cause. But even the mediator couldn’t dampen X’s enthusiasm. The stage had been set for a great show on the last day of the trip. Only the actors had to deliver out the final lines. We waited with bated breath.

The mediator wasn’t the only one who knew of X’s plan and the resultant hilarity it would cause (for others, of course).  Some of the other guys knew about it too and they took it upon themselves to motivate X to carry out this task. It so happened, as it was wont to, that X and Y had to return to Bombay in separate buses. The motivators were in the same bus as X. The motivation began as early as 6 hours before we were scheduled to depart. It continued into the bus ride. And rattled on as we stopped for dinner.

The motivation was on the lines of ” You can do it, man”, “Go for it, dude”, “Jo darr gaya woh marr gaya, *#$@*** ” and progressed along the lines of “Tu kucch nahin kar sakta,  *#$@*** Tu toh Z ko bhi propose nahin kar paayega!” The last statement caused particularly loud hilarity from the motivators and the rest of us guys. A little background about Z : If any guy was told to make a list of girls in the class, Z’s name would figure last. No offence meant to her, but then, it would figure in last. Not that she wasn’t bright or anything. Just that nobody had heard her speak. Every class has a Z. Ours had one too, and the motivators were making good use of her name. “You won’t even be able to propose to Z!!”, they chorused. X had been taking the motivation (which could also be described as heckling) for many hours and he thought that they meant well( for themselves), but he couldn’t stand the heckling. He decided that he had had enough, he stood up at his table and shouted at the top of his voice(unintentionally I believe), “Bas ho gaya! Kahaan hai woh Z? Leke aao usse, abhi propose karta hoon usko (Where is Z, bring her here, I’ll propose to her right now!)” As he said these words, there was stunned silence. Then there was howling laughter from the motivators.

Because Z was sitting at the table right next to his. 

Lowu

Whats that? Its love, of course!! Just that its pronounced like this in Hyderabad(or anywhere in South India, for that matter), so I thought that I might as well use that as the title to this post. This post is by The Mediator. So pardon me while my mind wanders off for a bit…be back soon.

The Mediator writes:  

One fine day, as I was wondering on the complexities of life, a question came to me: It came and said, “What is the difference, O Mediator, between love in the ancient years and now? Has it changed in nature? Has it dwindled? Has it lost itself in the quagmire of modernity?”

As I searched in the dictionary for the meaning of “quagmire”, the answers came to me and said, lend us your ears, O Mediator, and we shall tell you. Lend us your hand and we shall punch you. I decided to lend them my ears. And this is what I got; they gave me visuals too (some call it visions)…but then I am a visionary

As you see in the picture above, the old, ancient type of love is depicted. Laila and Majnu being a perfect example for proponents of this kind of old worldly love. Laila sang, “Koi patthar se na maare mere deewane ko!” and since Majnu couldn’t sing to save his life(why do you think people were pelting stones at him ), there are no songs attributed to him. One for One. Old love stories start at two people and stop at the same two people. This however has been rendered obsolete in todays day and age, as shall be soon shown.

This is how it is nowadays. Its the modern, tech enabled love. Lots of people are involved. Colleagues, old flames, new flames, sparks and spark plugs. Its inevitable that most have “something on the side” while going on the lowu path with somebody else. Sad, but such it is. Somebody wise once said, “Its good to have options”. Case in point being Yuvraj and Deepika, who seem to have no trouble finding people to ‘mingle’ with. Such absurdity, but then we get to hear something new every day. But these sometimes end up hurting the guy, as seen in the case of Shahid. Sad. 

This is the love triangle of yore. Three people. This would whittle down to two (somebody has to die) as in Kuchh Kucchh Hota hai or would go up to 4(find somebody else, will ya?) depending upon the people involved. There was a good chance of something wrong happening and somebody being left alone, but that was remote. These triangles were the norm sometime ago, but all things come to a more complex implementation, so should this.

This is the new model, so to speak. There are so many factors here. Distance, etc. But we’ll just consider the great philosophy of Dr. Mohanappa Lovaggarappu, which states “Its good to have options”. Yes, and elvis over there, he’s been alone far too long

Another vision I got, though not in splendid detail like the one above is below. I don’t believe that this one neeeds explanation

So that, readers, was what I was shown by the answer fairies. Till next time then. Adios!! 

[ps. apologies for the blurry images...didn't guess the dimensions properly and now I have no patience left to redo these images or rescale them] 

iPropose

I never in my life thought I would ask “the” question. Today, I am. It’s been 3 years since we met… and I sit here on my blog asking you this question…

Stunning. Simply Stunning. Lovely way to propose…isn’t it? The Mediator would approve.

Valentines Day Musings

The sky was overcast, a slow breeze blew over the Hussainsagar, the clouds had a eerie glow of their own – perhaps because of the full moon that hid behind them. There was a slight chill in the air, it looked like it might rain soon. The night had elements of being romantic…for lack of a better word.

The Mediator looked out of his 4th floor apartment, towards the city. A city he didn’t call his own. Rows upon rows of lights – some twinkling, some not - illuminated the city. Planes took off and landed from the airport towards the far end of the horizon. All this reminded him of something; just what that something was he could not figure out. He felt nostalgic, emotions he wouldn’t admit to welled up inside him. It was something he couldn’t help, he decided. He continued staring outside the window.

Just then he was stirred out of his thoughts by his flatmate. The flatmate had just finished a lengthy 3 hour plus talkathon with his girlfriend back in his hometown. The Mediator always found it weird as to what they talked about. Day in and Day out. Night actually. But he had learned long ago not to ask. The answer was always the same: “stuff” they would say, followed by a lengthy sermon on how heartless he was. The Mediator didn’t ask. He didn’t care.

“Beautiful weather, isn’t it?”, the flatmate said. The Mediator just nodded and continued staring out. “Wonderful weather to be out with someone special”, said the flatmate. The Mediator shifted a little, away from the flatmate, unsure of what he was getting at. But he said nothing, just an unsure nod. “You know, the month of February is special, magical. It has every ingredient of romance. The birds sing their special tunes, the trees look so lively, there is colour everywhere, people are in the best of spirits, the animals are cheerful. And best of all there is Valentines Day! Such a wonderful day, when everyone can express their love to each other. Like me to my girlfriend and she to me.  Life is beautiful in February, isn’t it?” The Mediator didn’t think that impending rain was a cheerful thought, he didn’t like birds chirping away to glory when he tried to sleep in the morning and he *hated* anyone who was cheerful without a good, valid reason. But he didn’t say anything to the flatmate. Best not to burst the bubble, he reasoned. He didn’t say anything.

“Life is beautiful in February”, the flatmate repeated and continued, “its like the entire universe changes, life itself changes, the colours in the sky. But best of all, there is something in the air, something undefinable. Something that strikes all of us, something nobody can escape. Theres that kind of tingly feeling, like electricity that courses through the air in Feb. There’s something in the air. Something intangible. But its there right. Don’t you feel it, dude? What do you say, isn’t there something in the air?” He looked at the mediator.

The Mediator nodded. He looked away from the view of the city that had so far kept him captivated. He looked at his flatmate, into his eyes, nodded again and said “I believe its called Pollution. Look it up in wikipedia“. And the Mediator stalked off to his bedroom, a thin smile curving across his face, while his flatmate sat on the window sill, stunned.    

How to (shudder)Propose…the actual post

First off, a message from The Mediator:

Proposals are a very sacred thing. You should not propose if you cannot dispose. Do not ask me the meaning of the sentence. Ask it to yourself. The answer is there, deep within you. Within you. Deep. Yes, there.

And since I know that nobody is actually going to follow this piece of advice; this is a waste of not-so-precious bytes but whatever. Go ahead and propose then. I ain’t stopping you. Infact, an interesting statistic tells me that 70.23% of the amusement that exists in my life, is because of proposals and their disposals. Yes, it is true. Really. Much fun happens when somebody proposes and you are the party which has a) either coaxed the proposer to propose to the proposee or b) prepped the proposer or c)prepped both the proposer and the proposee. The most fun, naturally is in case c.

Which tells everybody NOT to come to me with their heartaches. But do people listen? NOOOOO… Enough of the rambling, however. Mithun will carry the rest of the post forward…You have however, been warned. Subtly. You didn’t even feel it did you? Tch.

Hmm, after that from the Mediator, I wonder if anybody will read past this, but it is my bounden duty to pots this. So here goes:

A proposal, as a rule should include the following:

• An offer
• A reason as to why the offer was made
• A reason/excuse as to why the offer HAD to be made
• A short essay on how life will be if the offer is accepted. Be as poetic as possible. This is optional thou.
• A reduced offer (fallback), in case the original one is not accepted. Do not reveal this at the start or all will be lost.

So how does one actually propose?

After much research and consultation with the Mediator(who has seen enough proposals to last a lifetime), the following can be said:

• Lay the Foundation (no, not the makeup thingy, you know what I mean) – talk, interact with the person.
• Talk some more…hopefully, you’ll now begin to see that the you two aren’t meant to be as a couple. No? Then read on…
• Write a letter explaining to that person what\where\how\when you felt that you fell for that person…read that letter aloud to yourself…realise how cheesy you sound. Burn the letter.
• Go tell that person. The sooner the better. Remember all the points above…the rules(outlined above) too. If you don’t forget, everything should be ok (which means you won’t return with a black eye).
• If you’re not the kind who can tell it to the face, then consider the following:
  • Make a powerpoint presentation – if the girl/guy is into MBAgiri.
  • Make a flowchart-if the girl/guy is into Technology(engineer etc)
  • what to do with those commerce grads,CAs, etc? Hmm, try doing a Balance Sheet\Pass Book inspired version. Don’t ask me, I don’t know how. Update: try using Excel
  • Arts? Draw a heart. That should be enough. Or write a Poem or something.
  • Illiterate? Hmm. Draw a heart. That should be enough. Or write recite a Poem or something.

Hmm, thats all i know of that. Now go on, do your work and stop staring at the screen.

How to (shudder)Propose…

Thanks to the WordPress Stats page, I know that a substantial number of hits on this blog are generated by google searches for phrases such as “mithun movie like michael jackson”, “do not cry frye”, “ahista BOLT” and most amusingly, “kingfisher airhostess photos”. Yes, yes, I know that I never produced/directed/wrote/starred in anything resembling mithun like michael jackson and that I have never encouraged anyone to not cry (but with a name like frye, I guess that person does have a right to cry ) ,much less by singing (which most definitely will lead to crying) and I have absolutely no idea why Google(or whichever search engine they use) thinks that my blog has anything to do with ahista BOLT. As for the photos, I don’t have them, really

However, there are other, more sinister searches that make people land up on this blog: searches that include “How to propose”, “How to marry”,”How to propose and marry”,”How to Propose ______(insert name of random girl here)”, “how to get drunk and propose” and weirdly something that makes no sense : “I love you Mithun” (why, why dear god why?), to which I say: Come hither, vile spawn of satan and let your neck taste the fury of my samurai sword…or something like that. I live in constant hope that the search was not targeted at me but at one of the many mithuns in this world (of which there are many). But I digress from the whole point of this blog.

Which is the announcement of a post to appease all the searchers : a post on how to (shudder)propose. [btw, that shudder is on my part; do not shudder when proposing (unless you want to scare the person off); though the shudder will come naturally after you realise what a foolish thing you have done]. I am being helped in this by my friend, The Mediator. Will have the post up soon.